It's a Small world!

He's on the move!!!!

2010-11-15T14:39:00.004-05:00

HE WALKED!!! HE WALKED!!!! OK, more of like a stumble... but still, on November 14th, 2010, Cameron took his very first steps. Brian and I both got to witness the event, and like any proud parents would do, we whipped out the video camera... and he gave us a repeat performance for it! What an exciting moment! He was one week and one day shy of his 10 month birthday :) We are so indescribably proud of him!!!! Earlier that day, we bought a 12' baby gate for our fireplace. I think we may have jinxed ourselves :)

Cam had his very first halloween! On Friday, 10/29 he was in his daycare's parade where he made a mighty adorable dragon! I had so much fun parading him around the Measured Progress parking lot, as all kinds of parents, teachers, and coworkers lined up to cheer all the adorable kids on. Later that day, I took him "trick or treating" at work. Jess, Abby, Cam and I went through all four floors (including the haunted House. Ooooooohh....) and Cam (eh hem, mom and dad) got lots of candy! His very 1st piece ever received was a twizzler, which he proudly held most of the time, and I did finally let him gnaw on it. On Halloween day, we noticed Cam's top teeth finally popped through! Three whole months after his bottom! A real life jack-o-lantern!!! He looks so adorable with his four 'lil toofies. The teeth grinding?!??! Yah, not so cute. Like nails on a chalkboard, but worse!

October 20th, Brian and I celebrated our 3rd Wedding Anniversary. My mom watched Cam while Bri and I stayed at a B&B up in Vermont. We had such a wonderful time! It is soooo gorgeous up there, the weather was great and everything was so peaceful and serene. We went to all the "touristy" places like Vermont Teddy Bear Factory (where we got Cam a 1st bday bear), Lake Champlagne Chocolates (probably my favorite of all of them), Ben & Jerrys (where we paid respect to our long-lost flavors such as Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz), and the COOLEST cider mill where we had ridiculously delicious cider and watched it being pressed. Our B&B was rustic, homey, and wonderful... and our anniversary dinner was divine. We ate at "Whip" in Stowe. IT WAS AWESOME!!!! The first restaurant we tried to go (Michaels on the Hill, of which we heard wonderful reviews) was a big, fat fail. Incredibly expensive with maybe only 5 entrees on the menu, none of which looked appealing to either one of us at all. We hung our heads in shame and embarassment as we walked out the door. BUT, it was worth it, as the place we ended up was freakin fantastic and we're looking forward to going again! On our way home from dinner, we drove over smuggler's notch and directly into a blizzard!! That was lots of fun - 3rd anniversary in a row we've had snow!

On October 23rd, I filmed my friend/coworker Jess' wedding in Nashua while Brian and Cam hung out at the hotel (which she generously booked and paid for us!) I've since purchased editing software, and have been creating her video. I am SO proud of how it's turning out, and I can't wait until she sees it! I just know her and her *husband* are going to love it :) It was such a beautiful wedding, and she sure made a STUNNING bride! The next day, while we were in her area, Beth (http://www.bmpphotography.com/) took our family's pictures. I am so thrilled with how they came out, dispite having yucky, rainy weather. She's SO very talented!

It has been a busy, beautiful, wonderful fall... Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK, and then comes Christmas, and then comes Cameron's 1st birthday. It saddens me to think he will no longer be a baby in just a couple very short months! But for now, i'm going to enjoy his perfect, precious, adorable almost-10-month self and soak it all in. :) The holidays are going to be WONDERFUL!!!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

2010-10-04T10:44:00.005-04:00

Ahhhh, fall. It's a season any true New Englander can appreciate. The cool, crisp air, soft snuggly sweaters and blankets, fairs and festivals, the smells, the flavors, and of course the COLORS! The trees are really starting to pop, and it's the perfect time of year to go for a long drive.

We did just that yesterday - Our 7th annual trip to the Fryeburg fair. It was so much fun to bring Cameron along. He wasn't quite sure what to think about it - I thought for sure he would have been all smiles with the colors, people, animals, etc but "subdued" is a fitting word for how he reacted most of the day. (OK, and he had a small meltdown on the carousel, and also later on when he was overdue for his nap, but thankfully that wasn't anything that couldn't be fixed in the mothers lounge!) Brian and I sure enjoyed the always-fabulous food and people watching, and it was such a nice surprise running into Steph, Andrew and the girls! Overall it was a great day, and it was very cool having our GPS give us "shortcuts" through dirt roads to avoid the hour+ wait in traffic on the way home :)

Saturday my mom and I took Cam to the Apple Harvest Day in Dover. What a WONDERFUL day that was! He was just all smiles the entire time, and adored being on mommy's shoulders! He especially enjoyed listening to the music of the street performers, and was just so gosh darned cute a random stranger wanted to take his picture :)

I posted in my last blog about how Cam's been sick. From age 6-8 months it was one thing after another. Soon after I posted that, he was diagnosed with pneumonia. All the phlegm he had from catching constant colds finally settled in his chest. He was put on Zythromicin and a nebulizer treatment, and that cleared him up in about 10 days. He's been cold/phlem/cough free for a few weeks now. It's GREAT! He's not sleeping as well as he did before he started getting sick, but I'm hoping his 3 am wake time will pass with a bit of sleep training.

That little boy never ceases to amaze me. He's getting really good at standing. He's always doing it with one hand, and has even tried it a few times with NO hands for a few seconds. (Of course he holds on again the second mommy tries to get a picture!)

His verbal skills are improving, too. He now knows I'm "mama" and Brian is "Dada". If i'm home alone with him, and he wants me, he calls out "mamamama". Bri came home the other night, and as soon as Cam saw him he said "Dadadadada!" So cute. He sees Gracie and tries to say "Doggy" but it comes out as "Duh Ga! Duh Ga!"

He's also getting to be a pro at feeding himself. We've moved onto bits of chicken, egg yolks, and mixed vegetables. He also fed himself a meatball I made him - ground turkey, whole grain brown rice, oatmeal, and egg yolk. He LOVED it! His appetite is huge - hard to keep up with him sometimes. BUT, i'm proud to say that i've been exclusively nursing for over 8 months now. I originally thought I was going to need to supplement, but I just increased my pumping (and am hoarding my freezer stash) and so far, so good! I think we JUST might make it to a year which was my goal! Hooray! It's definitely not easy at times, but for us it's definitely been worth the effort.

Brian and I's 3rd Anniversary is in a couple weeks and we each took the entire week off. Our first vacation in a year. We just plan to do a few day trips here and there, an overnight trip to Burlington VT, and another overnight trip to Nashua so that I can film my friend's wedding there. We're both in MUCH need for some time off together, it's been far too long and it's much overdue. Here's hoping the weather cooperates! I am very thankful to learn that I'm getting an unexpected 4% bonus this year, which will be paid right around vacation time - Thank GOODNESS! It couldn't have come at a better time :)

He's on the move!

2010-09-07T11:11:00.004-04:00

I cannot even BELIEVE all the changes with our 'lil man since our last update. Here are some of the highlights - all of the following achieved in the span of just over a month!

Cameron started his new daycare on August 2nd. I absolutely LOVE it there, and so does he! All the kids are under 16 months, so all the toys are age appropriate and it is COMPLETELY baby proof, immaculately clean, and the building is very secure. He loves following around all the "big kids" and it's so adorable watching him interact with babies his own age. He's really learning from all of them! I nurse him just before they open in their sleep room, go over on my lunch to nurse him, and again as soon as I pick him up. Therefore, I don't have to pump ONCE and I get to see him so much more than I could before. What a great decision it was to move him there! And a HUGE thank you to my wonderful husband, for sacrificing so much to make my life easier. I know the extra $40 a week is really tough for him but it helps me out beyond measure.

Very soon after his 6 month birthday, he popped TWO toofies (on the bottom, they're so stinkin cute)

We had our very 1st trip to the ER. Cam's temperature was 103.4, he was lethargic and having troubles breathing so we rushed him in. Although his lungs were clear and ears were fine, they put him on antibiotics just to be safe. A few weeks later he was still showing signs of infection, so we brought him to the docs. He was diagnosed with an ear AND sinus infection! Poor kid! So he got more antibiotics. Three weeks later (now), he's still got a cough and runny nose but no temp. We're bringing him in tomorrow for a re-check to be safe. He's pretty much had signs of SOMETHING for the past month, so let's just hope it's either due to teething, or a cold that just won't go away due to the new daycare. (Gotta love those 'lil germ factories!) I'm hoping it's not allergies or yet another infection!

Cameron not only started crawling, but has MASTERED it! He does the army crawl... tries to lift his belly off the floor, but gives up after one or two scoots. I think he's got the mentality of "if it 'aint broke, don't fix it" because he can get around REAL fast! He's always getting into something he's not supposed to. Let the babyproofing begin!

He also stands unassisted! He'll crawl up to the couch, stand right up, and scoot all around it! I think he'll be walking by 10 months, maybe sooner at this rate.

He now waves bye bye! He's only done it twice, but both times was for his Meme and Papa! Daddy and I are trying to teach him "touch down!" in honor of Football Season!

He's also started eating "grown up" food. Mac 'n cheese (not the powdered yucky stuff, but the organic kind from Panera), a mashed banana, and he's fed himself string cheese, a piece of cooked apple, and lots of different crackers. He does GREAT! He loves sitting at the table, and eating with us. Oh, and he's also mastered the sippy cup!

He's learned to play catch and absolutely loves it. We'll roll his big red ball, he'll catch it every time, and roll it back to us.

It's so neat to watch him learn new things. I love how he figures out how each of his toys work. He loves anything that's plastic and makes noise.

We're halfway there!

2010-07-22T07:18:00.006-04:00

Six months ago today, I gave birth. A half year has passed already, which is just unreal to me. As Cliche as it sounds, time really does fly. Wow.

Cameron has changed so much over the past six months. A couple weeks ago he started sitting up unsupported, and just recently he's become a real pro at it! He's SO close to crawling... put him down on his belly, and he can make it clear across the room in a minute or two. He rolls and creeps to get where he needs/wants to go. A determined little boy he is! He's SO happy and easy going, and a very active and busy baby! He has a terrible attention span - pretty sure he gets that from his mama. A few weeks ago he was sitting on my lap at the lake, and when I was looking in the other direction, he reached clear across my lap, took my beer bottle out of the cup holder, put it right up to his lips and tried to drink it! Little stinker!!! Thankfully it was empty :)

Cam *LOVES* toys that bang and make noise - his favorite lately is a "cell phone" I picked up at a yard sale for 50 cents :) That keeps him entertained for long car trips. (or until he drops it, which is fairly frequently!) He also adores this crinkly, colorful fabric and plastic book a coworker gave to us. His other favorite toy is a half-empty water bottle. I wish I could get away with these inexpensive toys until he's 18. Haha!

We've been having a beautiful summer and have tried to do something different each weekend. Back in May, we celebrated my twin nephews' birthdays by going Roller skating. Cam loved watching everyone skating around him - he even did the Hokey Pokey with his Uncle Eric!

In June, Brian and I took him to the Pier at Old Orchard Beach - it was so cute watching him stare at the Seagulls. When one would fly by, he'd whip his head around to follow it through the sky. We of course took our 7th annual photo booth shot at the arcade, and it was incredible to have him in it with us this year :)

On the fourth of July, my mom, Cam and I went on a boatride and he really loved it! He and my mom sat at the back of the party boat and I got a couple great shots of the two of them. He looked so adorable in his life vest :)

Just last weekend, my friend Nichole and her son Mason joined us at York Beach. It was Cam's first time "swimming" in the ocean. As freezing cold as the water was, he didn't seem phased by it in the least! He was kicking his feet and splashing around. He ended the day with a good nap in his pack 'n play on the beach. I was very jealous! An incredibly exhausting but very fun day :) The next day, Brian and I took him to the Yarmouth Clam Festival. He did so well all day - sat in his "big boy" stroller, didn't fuss once! After the Clam Festival we took him to LL Bean where he got to go into the fish tank bubble - where he had an "under-water" view of the aquarium. OMG, he was squeeling with delight. A trip to the New England Aquarium is in our near future for sure! Although having a baby makes everything a bit more time consuming and a lot more work, it also makes everything we do SO much more fun.

Brian's parents finally got to meet their grandson last month (yay!) and in a couple weeks, so will Brian's sister and her family! And we'll finally get to meet THEIR latest addition, Henry (who was born last AUGUST! How sad is that?) We're gonna have a big family gathering on August 8th, where we'll also meet Brian's new twin cousins. We went from NO babies in the family, to FOUR of them in one year! Crazy! It stinks having Bri's parents and sister live so far away, but it sure makes for a nice summer when they're finally around.

I'm very proud of myself - Even with working 30 hours a week and commuting 2 hours a day, I have still been exclusively breast feeding. Cameron hasn't seen one drop of formula. It has been an immense amount of work, but SOOO worth it! I hope to keep this up until his 1st birthday. Recently he's been eating a lot more solids (With the doctor's encouragement and approval, he eats cereal and/or fruits & veggies 3x a day now) so that takes a lot of the pressure off of me. I only have to pump two bottles a day now, instead of three, which makes a HUUUGE difference! Also, effective the 1st week of August, we are switching Cameron's daycare. He'll now be going to my work's daycare. I am SO excited about this - he'll be just two streets away, and I can play with and feed him on my lunch break. I'm not so excited about the $40/wk price increase, but the extra time with him every single day is invaluable.

I certainly have my low times (my house is always a mess, I don't like my job, I'm feeling very unmotivated to do anything outside of caring for Cameron, such as lawn work and organizing my closets) but looking at what an amazing husband, son, family, life I have... makes all those little things seem awfully minut. I'm so very blessed, and when I start to feel down about something in my life, I'm going to reflect on the memories in the making and give myself a reality check. LIFE IS GOOD!

Happy Birthday, dad!

2010-04-26T20:48:00.004-04:00

Three whole months have passed. We went to my parents' house to celebrate my dad's 58th birthday (yikes, when did he get so old?) and my mom weighed Cam. he's been feeling rather hefty lately. I was flabbergasted when the scale read 14 lbs, 7 oz!!! He has gained more than 7 lbs in 3 months, and has nearly doubled his birth weight - something most infants don't do 'till 6 months!! If you do the math, he's gained 1.25 oz a day. At this rate, he'll be 36 lbs on his 1st birthday!!! However, he's not a fatty like his mama. He's very VERY long and lean (dispite the big number on the scale). Even some of his size 3-6 month clothes are gettin kinda short on him - he's sportin the belly shirts! Richard Simmons, look out!

He has been SUCH a joy lately. He very rarely cries or fusses, and is generally so content and happy. He's been much better at grabbing and holding his toys, and even snuggling with his frog lovie. He gave us his very first giggle last week *melt* and just today, was loving daddy's belly raspberries for the 1st time! He's also really starting to recognize me and show it - smiles when I enter a room, and follows me around with his eyes.

Last week we visited his great grandma Bittner. Ohmagosh did she love the visit. We all did! She loves him SO very much. She even got to feed him for the first time. The joy on her face the entire time we were there was priceless.

Two nights ago we transitioned him to his room. We started off putting the bassinet in the crib, and that went pretty well. (He did wake up in the middle of the night once, but overall not bad!) This Saturday, we're going to take the bassinet out of the crib, and hope he sleeps well in "open waters". He naps terribly in his crib, let's hope sleeping for the night will go better than daytime sleep! I gotta admit, I HATE him sleeping in his nursery. I find such comfort with him right next to me. Even though he's just around the corner, it's like he's a world away. I know it's for the best, but if I had my way his crib would be in OUR room. (Or, our bed would be in the nursery. LOL)

So. I survived going back to work. The first week (especially the first day) was really tough... often I would think about him, or look at his picture, and tear up. (I bawled my eyes out the 1st time I dropped him off and also on my way to work that day) But each day gets better (even though I still have my weak moments. Mondays are the worst.) Cameron seems pretty happy at daycare, and all the kids get excited when they see him come in. He definitely gets the stimulation and socialization I couldn't provide for him. I know this is for the best, although I still desperately wish I could be home with him. It kills me that I miss out on 40 hours of his life every single week. Time seems to be flying faster now that I'm back to work, and I think it's because I'm missing out on so much time with him. Breaks my heart, but I know it's necessary and for the best.

I never knew my heart was capable of so much love.

Another month has passed...

2010-03-29T12:20:00.004-04:00

As cliche as it may sound, time really does fly. I swear Cameron was born yesterday, but when I look at the calendar it was actually 10 weeks ago. Wow. He's growing up so fast... When we brought him home from the hospital, he was wearing all size newborn. Now, his 0-3 are getting kinda snug and the 3-6 are fitting him FAR too well. *sigh* Where did my itty bitty 7 lb, 5 oz baby go??? He's now 12 lbs, 11 oz (75th percentile) and a LOOOONG 24.5 inches (97th percentile). My Long and lean boy - he certainly didn't get that from me!!!

As sad as I am that he's no longer a newborn, I'm also thrilled he's out of the newborn stage! He's sleeping MUCH better all around - longer stretches at night, and more frequent (and longer) naps during the day! Things are just falling into place, and we're getting into more of a sleep/eat/play routine. He's MUCH happier (as is mommmy and daddy!) and more content overall. He's SUCH a happy baby, and learning new things every day. Just yesterday he started grabbing for his toys, and even holding onto one of them for quite some time. Seeing him grow and thrive is the most rewarding thing i've ever experienced.

I go back to work next week (insert sob here) and I had realized it'd been more than 2 months and we still hadn't left Cam with anyone! So this past Sunday, we left him with my folks while we went to a party and out for dinner. I only had one (small) breakdown, and everyone managed to have a great day! Bri and I enjoyed our freedom (while I enjoyed an alcoholic beverage or two!) and my parents really enjoyed Cam! And of course, he wasn't phased in the least - behaved really well for his Meme and Papa. We definitely need to make that a habit!

Sometimes I cry (like right now) when I think about how much I love this little man. He's just so precious, I want to hold and stare at him all the time. As Aerosmith says "I don't want to miss a thing." Monday will be one of the hardest days of my life... leaving him with someone i've met only two brief times. I'll need a big box of Kleenex right alongside his picture when I move back into the office that day. Just 3 short days away. *insert another sob here*

A month later...

2010-02-22T09:08:00.003-05:00

I can't believe our son is a month old. This has been the hardest, busiest, craziest, most rewarding, amazing, fulfilling month of our lives. What a whirlwind it's been.

Like our lives, he's changed SO much. He's gained over THREE POUNDS since leaving the hospital (weighs in at a whopping 10 lbs, 1 oz). He gave us our first REAL smile on February 15th, and does so every single day now. It's the most beautiful site in the world. Cameron is SO alert, and is starting to recognize Bri and I's faces and voices - turns his head to us when one of us talks :) He loves staring at lights - bright things fascinate him! He's also starting to "Coo" and he's discovered his fists, which he loves trying to cram into his mouth.

He's also a pretty good sleeper! He goes down between 9-10, wakes around 1:00ish (Bri takes that feeding, giving me a good stretch of sleep!), then wakes again around 4:00, and sleeps 'till around 7. Unfortunately, he will NOT sleep on his back so we need to go the belly sleeping route. This is not recommended due to an increased risk of SIDS, so we recently purchased a movement detector to give us a bit more peace of mind. He also relies on white noise to be put (and stay) asleep, but I think this 'lil noise machine helps Bri and I sleep too :)

In other happy, wonderful news - Bri and I bought a car! Our Ford had 135k miles on it, and seeing as I'll be going back to work and bringing Cam with me almost every day (and I work about 35 miles away), we needed something much safer, more reliable, and easier to get his carseat in and out of. We found an AMAZING deal on an even more amazing SUV - an '06 Subaru Tribeca Limited. It is SO pretty and fancy shmancy -has all kinds of bells and whistles I'm still trying to learn how to use! All wheel drive, leather, power everything, moonroof, heated seats, heated wiper blades and mirrors, dual temperature control, 6 CD changer, and all sorts of other gizmos I don't really need and probably won't use (but is nice to have!) Best part, we don't break our backs putting his heavy carseat in! Plenty of room for the Goo, too! We just LOVE it...

He's here!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-08T15:36:00.008-05:00

So being a week overdue, Cameron's eviction notice was served and the "authorities" were called. Wednesday night we go in for the cervadil. They start it up at 6 pm, and after 4 hours of intense contractions and NO progress (and being bed-bound due to extensive monitoring) we made the decision to take it out and start the pitocin in the morning so I could get some rest. There was no way I could sleep with these contractions and monitors!

Pitocin started on Thursday morning at 8 am. Unfortunately, just as was the case with the Cervadil, I couldn't move *at all* because every time I did, the monitors would lose the heartbeat and contractions - being bound to the bed gave me intense back pain. They tried Stadol (sp?) to help with the pain, but the baby's heartbeat dropped so they stopped that. After being on pitocin all day, with excruciating back pain and the inability to move, we opted to stop the pitocin and start again in the morning (so that I could put some food in my stomach and get some MUCH needed rest).

The order was about to be put in... 5 minutes later, at 5:00, my water broke!!! Holy hell, then the contractions started. QUICKLY and painfully. Excrutiatingly painfully. An Epi was ordered immediately. Unfortunately, the epi was a nightmare. They went through an extra layer, and I ended up paralized from the waist down, and completely numb from the neck down. I was bed bound for the entire labor/delivery process. I had a complete anxiety attack, I couldn't feel myself breathing (scariest experience of my life), I couldn't move my legs, and I was vomiting uncontrollably. My headache was unbearable... it was just awful. However, I wasn't feeling any contractions and I was progressing really quickly which made it all worth it. Because of the terrible placement of the epi, I had to let it wear off... so for the last 2 hours of my labor, I could feel every. single. contraction. Wow, kudos to ANYONE who can go med free, I don't know how you do it. So although the feeling of my body came back, so did everything else.

At around midnight, the nurse said the glorious words "time to push!" And so it began. An hour later, at 1:19 am, our beautiful son was born. I saw the whole thing through a huge mirror, which was an unbelievable source of motivation. Nothing can describe how I felt as I saw him coming out of me, or when I heard him cry, or when I saw his face, or when I stared at Brian after he was here.

A day after he arrived, I had the most terrible pain in my upper back, and a mind-numbing headache that I can't even explain. I couldn't feed or change my baby without getting a nauseating headache. I even needed help just standing up to go to the bathroom. I was told I had a "spinal headache" and needed a "blood patch" where they gave me another epidural, but injected my own blood into my spine to seal up a hole created from my original epidural which was the source of my terrible headache. Once they did this, it went away - but getting another epi was certainly not something I wanted or was ready for.

Brian and my mother were sooo amazing... both of them were there the entire day and night. They were so supportive, and loving, did everything right. It meant SOOO much to me that they could both share in that experience, and I know it meant the world to them as well. Even my dad got to listen in behind the curtain, and seconds after he was born he got to see his grandbaby and tears were flowing like a fountain. To get to experience this with my parents and husband was something I wouldn't change for the world. The love I feel for Brian now, and the respect I have for my mother, is greater than it ever has been.

Breast feeding is going flawlessly. He is a boob champ - my lactation consultant mother (and of course Bri) are quite proud of that :) He was born at 7 lbs, 5 oz and was discharged 2 days later at 6 lbs, 13 oz. Two weeks later, he's a fat and happy 8 lbs, 6 ounces!!!! Cameron is so perfect and healthy, not a thing "wrong" with him. He sleeps pretty well (3 hour stretches at night, only wakes to feed) but naps pretty inconsistently/infrequently during the day (which takes quite the toll on mommy when daddy is at work!).

We are so insanely in love with our son, adn I fall in love with Brian all over again when I see him interact with Cameron. He's such an amazing father. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us as a family.

Fears and Doubts

2009-11-09T15:52:00.002-05:00

I know it's too late to change our minds about this whole baby thing. But y'know, i'm starting to kinda have doubts. OK, well maybe not doubts... but a whole lotta fears. I've been hearing so many stories lately about babies that are up all night. Babies that cry all the time. Babies that can't/won't breastfeed. New moms who are depressed. Overwhelmed. Sad. Scared. It seems i'm only hearing the negative stuff to new mommyhood lately... and to be honest, it's kind of freaking me out. I mean, if that's how it is - why do people have babies?? INTENTIONALLY? :) I'm only kidding of course, but there is some truth to my statement. Do they really bring so much joy, that it makes all the heartache, sleep deprivation, painful breasts, and lack of money, well fitting wardrobe & a social life worth it? These are all things that ran through my mind before making the choice of becoming pregnant (yes, this baby was very much planned and well thought out) but now it's really hitting me. What have we gotten ourselves into?!?!?! In just two months, our entire world as we've known it will completely be turned upside down and all around - and as much as I hope and pray it'll be for the better, I'm totally terrified my fears will become reality! And what's worse - as much as i'm terrified i'm gonna hate being a mom, i'm even MORE terrified i'm gonna be a terrible one! Is me writing this blog already setting me up to be a terrible mom? Do good moms actually have this fear before even giving birth? Geez, I hope what i'm feeling is normal. This is scary stuff!

Sorta setting in now.

2009-10-29T07:55:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was a big "baby day". I had (a week late) my 28 week glucose screening, rogam shot, flu shot, blood draw, monthly appointment, and ultrasound! After that, we went to our 1st of 6 birthing classes! What an eye-opening experience. We pretty much spent the time getting to know eachother, and taking a tour of the birthing unit.

Cameron is very healthy and content in there! He's measuring big at 3.4 lbs (scares me, his daddy was almost 10 at birth), and i'm measuring more than a week ahead! He's an active little guy, I feel him squirming and kicking all the time. Just the other day, Bri and I both felt him hiccuping for the first time! Unbelievable!

Add onto our awesome day yesterday, the day before last we put together his crib. It's *really* looking like a nursery now! I SOOO love his room, it's coming together beautifully, and will be sure to post pics when everything is complete. Sure has come a long way!

I never thought I could be so happy, or so in love... both with my husband, and with a little boy i've never met. Seeing the images captured on the left really made me feel even more strongly for him, which I didn't think was possible. As excited as I am to finally meet him, I will really miss being pregnant - and knowing he's in me, safe and protected.

Happy Anniversary to us :)

2009-10-21T06:28:00.003-04:00

When they say time passes quickly when you've got a child, I didn't realize that included while you were expecting one! I can't believe it's been two months since i've updated this blog - and that I'm almost 7 months pregnant. When and how did that happen? WOW! 28 weeks today. Craziness.

Things are going really well. I'm still feeling and doing great - although looking great is another story. I have a lot of extra skin from losing a large amt of weight over the past few years, but add on top of that a lot of fat I still need to lose, in addition to the baby, my belly is HUGE but it hangs way down, I have a big "muffin top" and I long for that cute, round baby bump that everyone else at my stage of pregnancy has. I can honestly say, that unless I wear the PERFECT shirt (which doesn't exist) I look like a woman with a very unfortunate body shape who waddles when she walks. It makes me very insecure - no shirts I have are long enough to cover the mound of skin I have hanging down (which most pregnant woman DONT HAVE) and certainly nothing covers the muffin top hanging out of the top (which, again, at 7 months pregnant I shouldn't be sporting). It's my biggest, and only, complaint of pregnancy. I look like sh!t. And no, i'm not exxagerating. And no, don't feel the need to say "you look great" 'cuz i know that's something you're supposed to say to every pregnant woman. Sure, i'm glowing. That's about the extent of my "greatness". Sucks.

On a happier front, Happy 2nd Anniversary to Brian and I!! We're celebrating by taking a "Babymoon" on Cape Cod - Brian is asleep in our hotel bed as I type this :) Our friend got us a time share for only $350 for the week, so we decided to go someplace totally different, somewhere we've never been before. He and I were very skeptical (completely off season down here, didn't know what to expect or what to do, afraid to leave our dog at home with someone new, etc). We were even MORE skeptical when we checked into our room. I can't even describe to you what a dump this place is - but let me try! We were "greeted" (I put that in quotes 'cuz i'd hardly call it a greeting) by the front desk girl, who was in sweats playing farmville on her computer. Nice. We walk by all the other rooms, that had paint chipping off of the very dirty windows. Euw. Our front door is covered in rust. Nice. We walk into the kitchenette - which is nothing more than a 12" sink, a stove top with two TINY burners that have aluminum foil for drip pans (no joke), a microwave that didn't even fit my 14" pizza, and a fridge that's a year ahead of being avacodo green.

Our entertainment center has a 19" TV (i'm shocked it's got a remote) and a combo RECORD PLAYER/CASSETTE PLAYER!!! Oh damn Bri, we didn't bring our records!! (insert eye roll here). There is a very uncomfortable sleeper sofa in this room, but I don't know how there could be any room to open it, as it is only a couple feet from the TV. Move into the bedroom... there is a massive hot tub, straight out of 1983, that fills up half the room. It also has a double bed... and on the nightstand is a phone that's almost as old as many rotary phones I had in my early childhood. Speaking of which, an alarm clock I had when I was 10 is also in the room. No lie, I think it's the same one.To end the "tour" the bathroom is SOOO tiny... and (surprise surprise) incredibly outdated. A dinky shower that my pregnant ass can barely bend over in, a toilet I have to squeeze by the sink to get into, and a sink SO small, it barely fits my toothbrush and soap. The towels may as well be sandpaper - and they only change them once a week. There are brass fixtures everywhere, popcorn ceilings, HIDEOUS fabrics, colors and decor... the place just screams 1980s. They only change sheets and towels on Tuesdays, and we came home today and it hadn't been done! WTF? At least we got to keep our $5 tip :) Dispite lackluster (at best) accommodations...

We are having a GREAT TIME! The cape is absolutely beautiful!!! And best of all, because it's off season, there are no crowds at all. I actually think Fall is the perfect time to visit here - although there are less things to do than in the summer, it gives you an excuse to get out and explore - something I hear is impossible to do down here in the summer 'cuz you're fighting traffic and crowds.

On day 1, we just took a road trip around 1/2 of the Cape. We came across lots of great little shops and restaurants on Rte. 6A and also Rte. 28. We stopped at a few lighthouses, some nice beaches, a bunch of stores, a couple fabulous restaurants, toured the Cape Cod chip factory, and just enjoyed the ride and eachother. The clouds went away just long enough for us to enjoy a beautiful sunset on the beach - where Bri carved "I love Angie and Cam" on the shore. Awwww!!! We finished our day at a really great restaurant - we ate in a real caboose! Brian said he ate some of the best scallops he's ever put in my mouth. Hm, i'm sensing a challenge here :)

Yesterday we took another road trip, with our final destination being Provincetown. Along the way we toured a lighthouse... and had the most stunning, indescribable, panoramic view of a marsh. After a few more scenic stops, we arrived in P-town. Ecclectic and diverse is the best way I can describe the town, the stores, and the PEOPLE!! We could have sat at a street corner all day and just watched everyone go by. Colorful town, that is :) It's also soooo gorgeous - the beaches are unreal. We watched the sunset over dozens of acres of sand dunes... and felt like we were the only people there. Afterwards, we also had one of the best meals of our lives. "The Mews" really deserves the #1 rated restaurant in P-town, and the Cape. Unbelievable.

Today we will be going on a scenic 2 hour train ride, and do some shopping in Hyannis. Not sure what's in store for the rest of the week, but i'm sure we'll have a great time with whatever we end up doing :) I didn't think it was possible, but I love this man more and more every day.

In more "baby news" our nursery is coming along beautifully!!!! My friend/coworker Sara painted us a gorgeous mural and it's exactly as I pictured it in my mind! My amazing mother (who has already done waaaay too much, she has a way of always going overboard, she's truly an incredible person) has finished completely refinishing/reupholstering a glider chair, and she sewed curtains for the closet, which Brian finally finished installing. The only thing we're waiting on is carpet to be put installed (already been purchased) and everything else is ready to go in! I can't WAIT to get that done so I can finally see the finished product. It's going to be such a gorgeous room! Considering what it started as (we had no idea what a huge ordeal this room would be) it makes me extra excited.

It's not a secret anymore :)

2009-08-25T07:35:00.006-04:00

Well, they know! They know "it" is a he, and they know he has a name! Our family came over for dinner on Sunday afternoon. Brian's parents and my mom and grandma showed up at 12:30, and we had to wait more than TWO WHOLE HOURS for my dad to make his appearance. (He was coming by on his way home from work). The wait for all of them was torture. It was very amusing to sit back, and hear them discuss what they were "sooo sure" it was gonna be... when my dad finally showed up, I had them all pick a cupcake - pink or blue icing! Dad and Grandma picked pink, Brian's parents and my mom picked blue. It was fun seeing their reaction when they realized who had (and didn't have) the raspberry filling in their cupcakes!

After they all learned that we are having a boy, they then started pestering us on what his name was gonna be. I said "well, some things need to be a surprise! You'll hafta wait 'till he's born!" Well let me tell you, that did NOT go over well! So I said "Oh, but we DO have ONE more surprise!". I presented my mom with a gift... it was the lamb from build-a-bear that I originally gave her back in May for Mother's Day, telling her we were pregnant. I stole it back from her :) On his bib, we embroidered his name!!! And it is...

Wow, was she (and everyone else) surprised! We really love his name! Eugene is my dad and brother's middle name, and my Grandfather (and uncle)'s name is Ron. It worked out perfectly... They all seemed to love his name, and are VERY happy we shared it with them :) It was a great day, and I'm so glad everything is out in the open now! I've never been good at keeping secrets - especially from my family!

Now that we know he's a boy, and that he has a name, and I'm starting to show, and feel him move... it really feels "real" now. Early this morning, around 2 am, Brian was hugging my stomach like it was a pillow... and kissing it. I can't tell you how much that touched me. We already feel like such a family... even though we haven't met our little boy yet. I get an overwhelming feeling of emotion when I think about how Brian and I created this life, and that it's growing inside of me. It's unreal. We're so in love - with eachother, and our little man. I can hardly wait to meet him. For now, i'm *really* loving carrying him.

Hello, and WELCOME!

2009-08-22T15:55:00.000-04:00

Well I suppose there's a first for everything!

Welcome!

I can't claim to be a good writer, but I do promise to do my best at using proper spelling, punctuation and grammar. I also promise to talk a LOT about my amazing husband, my crazy dog (named Goo - Gracie Goo, that is) and the amazing life that's growing inside of me. As of today, I am 19 weeks and 3 days pregnant!

Two days ago, August 20th, Brian and I went for our BIG ultrasound. The day we'd see our little life moving, wiggling, dancing and shaking before our eyes. The day our little life will tell us if it's a boy or a girl. Well folks, it was obvious to see that "it" is indeed a BOY!!!!

While I was "talking myself" into hearing that it was going to be a boy, for some reason it was still quite a shock. Brian of course looked as giddy as could be. I well, didn't have quite the same emotion. I'm almost ashamed to admit I felt a bit of disappointment. When all was said and done and we went back into the waiting room, I even teared up a bit - but not in a happy way. I felt like SUCH a terrible mother! How could I be disappointed I was having a son - the same baby we tried for nearly a year to have? The same baby I've been dreaming about and shopping for and planning my life around for the past 4 months?!?! What should have been one of the best moments of my life, my emotions were completely ruining it for me! Why wasn't I thrilled I was having a little boy? And why wasn't I jumping for joy this little boy is thriving and healthy???

While we were registering at Babies R Us for baby things, I really started coming around. Looking at all the sweet little boys in the store, seeing all the adorable boyish looking things (puppy dog stuff, lots of red sox and patriots gear), it felt so much more real... and all of a sudden, all things "pink" didn't look as appealing. I was shopping for my SON!

Bri and I then went for a really great lunch in York, at "Lobster in the Rough". We ate outdoors, talked about all the things we needed, all the things we are looking forward to doing with our little boy... After lunch, we headed to The Children's Place where we bought his entire summer wardrobe! (For a killer deal, might I add! Got maybe 10 outfits, including shoes and hats, for less than $40!). What made it all even better, is that our little man has a name. One we've completely agreed on, absolutely love, and put in writing. Giving him an identity... a name.... makes it SO much more real. After such a great day, I felt VERY silly for feeling that 30 minutes of disappointment! I went from not realizing how badly I wanted a little girl, to not knowing how much I, in actuality, really wanted a baby boy! What made the day even more special, is for the 1st time I *really* felt him move! Not just little flutters, but full-on movement! Incredible.

None of our family or parents know "it" is a "he" yet. We're telling both sets of parents tomorrow night after dinner. We got this AMAZING cake (chocolate and vanilla with a raspberry filling and butter cream frosting) decorated in pink and blue. The top says "Our bundle of joy. Girl or boy?". Surrounding the cake are 8 cupcakes. 4 pink, 4 blue. The blue ones are filled with raspberry filling. Our parents will be asked to take the cupcake they think we're having. On the count of three, they'll all bite into it at the same time. Whoever's got the filling, guessed right!

We have another surprise planned for the night - our parents think we're not sharing the name with anyone until the birth. What they don't know, is that our baby's name is embroidered on the bib of the bear I gave to my mom on Mother's Day, telling her that we were pregnant. (For those who don't know, I gave her a build-a-bear (lamb, actually) dressed in baby gear, and I recorded in his left paw our news. Best Mother's Day Gift EVER!!!) I stole this lamb from her, and will give it back to her after she knows we're having a boy - and she will then see the bib, and know his name. Part of it is a family name, that I'm sure her and my dad will be incredibly touched by. Name to be announced shortly. :) :) :) I'm so excited for the dinner tomorrow night, and will be sure to take lots of pics (decor, cake, bear, reaction, etc) and post them here!

On a sad note, my brother Eric is currently in the hospital. He's had on-going swelling/blood flow issues with his legs and always needs to wear compression stockings to keep the swelling down. Last Sunday, his right leg really started bothering him. It was especially swollen, and hurt quite a bit. He tried brushing it off that day and the next. On Tuesday, he couldn't ignore it anymore - and Amy, his loving girlfriend (and a dear friend of mine) insisted he go to the hospital. He was admitted with a VERY high fever, and a horrible infection (cellulitis). His fever has come down, and he's not in as much pain, but after 4 days, he's still there and they're not sure when he'll be home. His leg is now starting to blister pretty badly, which leaves him susceptible to further infection (as those blisters are now starting to pop). Eric doesn't have any insurance (health OR disability) so it's gonna be tough for him to pay his bills, or receive the follow-up care he desperately needs. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers!!!

Well I suppose I should end it here, but will be sure to update in a few days. Thanks for reading this far. I look forward to sharing our life's journey with you! xoxo.

~Angela